Quoting Enzo: I’m old. And while I’m very capable of getting older, that’s not the way I want to go out. Shot full of pain medication and steroids to reduce the swelling of my joints. Vision fogged with cataracts. Puffy, plasticky packages of Doggie Depends stocked in the pantry. I am sure Denny would get me one of those little wagons I’ve seen on the streets, the ones that cradle the hindquarters so a dog can drag his ass behind him when things start to fail. That’s humiliating and degrading. I’m not sure if it’s worse than dressing up a dog for Halloween, but it’s close.
This passage resonates with me. We recently lost our beloved Kaiya days shy of her 14th birthday. I hope this is how all dogs feel. I hope this is how Kaiya felt in her last days.
Kaiya
We were the lucky ones to be able to keep her. We were newlyweds, finding the transition to being a married couple was more difficult than expected. By bringing this sweet puppy home, I new that my husband wanted to be married. He wanted our marriage to work as much as I did. Kaiya was the cement that took us from a dating couple to a married couple. That’s a lot to put on a dog, but Kaiya wore it well.
Kaiya was stop-traffic beautiful. People would go out of their way to stop to ask us what kind of dog she was. We were proud of her and we threw ourselves into being good doggie parents. We found a vet to catch her up on shots. We went to a local pet store and bought top of the line dog food (BTW – I highly recommend you check out your food options if you are in a position to pick up doggie-poo. The better the food, the less, well, you know, to pick up.)
When we first got Kaiya, we were living in a town home community clustered on the edge of a golf course. We would spend late evenings letting Kaiya run through the sprinklers on the back nine. The town house we were renting didn’t allow pets, but Kaiya was not a dog to be kept on the down low. She loved to run, but not necessarily back to you when you called her. She’d run in circles around you, stop, change direction, charge at you and pretend to play rough. She was very strong, very fast and having you chase her was her favorite thing to do.
We’d later learn that this was all part of her being a border collie.
Kaiya became part of the family. We took her everywhere we could. She became the family dog to both sets of “grandparents”, too.
From the moment she became ours (or did we become hers?) she witnessed the ups and downs and ins and outs of our family.
When we bought our first home, we were so happy that Kaiya would have her own yard to play in.
I took Kaiya on walks around our new neighborhood and taught her that the neighbor’s barky little poodle was a ‘frou-frou’ and to be ignored. Kaiya would put her nose in the air and pointedly ignore such insecure creatures. She stood up to the Great Dane that came charging after us, stopping him in his tracks with her bark and Border collie stare.
We’d let Kaiya pull us, like the sled dog she partly was, on a bike. After she pulled me over the handlebars we decided that maybe that wasn’t such a good idea.
When I was pregnant, I would sit on the floor so Kaiya could put her head on my tummy. We sat on the floor like that a lot as I struggled to be comfortable. I am sure she felt movement and maybe even heard the heartbeat.
When we brought our beautiful baby girl home, Kaiya stood watch near her bassinet. Kaiya was our baby before we had a baby, but becoming number two behind our daughter was never an issue.
Kaiya kept me company during the many late night feedings. She was someone to talk to during the day while Raechel was sleeping during those early weeks at home.
Kaiya developed a fear of thunder and other loud noises after taking shelter with the three of us in our crawl space while tornados and straight-line winds crashed overhead. After that storm, any loud noise, especially thunder, and Kaiya would hide in the bathtub. She’d be very pleased if you’d join her in the bathtub, too.
When we moved 4 hours away to the north woods of Wisconsin, Kaiya took her place in the front seat of the U-haul. She was our dog, we were her people and she wasn’t letting us (or the truck load of our stuff) out of her sight.
At our new house, sitting in the middle of the woods, Kaiya kept Border collie vigilance patrolling our yard. Deer kept to the woods. Squirrels needed to be darn fast. If she wasn’t able to catch the squirrels, Kaiya would make the Border collie sweep, cutting them off and forcing a change of direction. It was very effective.
In the winter months you could find Kaiya sunning herself as she lay on the top of a snow bank. She was such an interesting combination of shepherd and snow dog.
When Kaiya was about 7, we adopted another dog, a sweet, unassuming, little black lab named Belle. Kaiya was definitely the alpha – what she said or wanted was they way it would be amongst them – usually. Belle is the definition of happy-go-lucky. Belle’s need to play and run kept Kaiya active and young at heart. I have no doubt that Belle added healthy years to Kaiya’s life. Thank you, Belle.
Kaiya and Belle
With Belle, together they’d go off and have their own adventures with other dogs and families in the area. The two of them became so popular, some families even gave the dog’s treats (only give treats to a dog you want around you a lot!)
The UPS delivery man always had treats ready for our dogs. Our mailman did not. Any time he had reason to bring our mail to our door, rather than the mailbox at the end of the driveway, the dogs would circle around expecting treats that he wasn’t prepared to give. On one occasion Kaiya jumped into the mailman’s vehicle and stole his lunch. Very embarrassing. But the guy could stand to skip a meal or two.
We don’t allow dogs on the couch or bed, but when we weren’t looking that is where Kaiya would be. She was a master at turning her head, with the “if I’m not looking at you, you can’t see me” trick. She’d get down when you told her to, if she thought you really meant it.
No food was safe on our kitchen counters. She buried defrosting meat in the cushions of our couch (gross!) and on top of my daughter’s school work. I had to write a note to the teacher, that yes, our dog did eat the homework. I’d find cake pans licked so clean the only way you knew the dessert was stolen was finding the pan on the floor.
We had childproof locks on the kitchen and bathroom cupboards, not to keep our daughter out, but to keep Kaiya out. It only slowed Kaiya down, nothing stopped her. With enough time and motivation, Kaiya could get into anything. We worried about what we would do if she ever decided she wanted to open the refrigerator.
Kaiya aged well. No one would have guessed as she turned twelve and even thirteen how old she really was. She did not turn grey. She did not loose her hearing or eyesight. At thirteen, she began showing signs of slowing down, with stiffness in her hips when getting up. And she started having some incontinence problems, which clearly embarrassed our girl, but medication from our vet really helped.
As winter approached, Kaiya had more difficulties in the cold weather. Her energy level dropped. She was very stiff in the mornings or anytime after laying down for a while. It clearly took a lot of effort for her to climb stairs in our split-level home. We tried different medications with the help of our vet but nothing seemed to give her relief.
Kaiya could no longer sleep through the night without going out. I would usually need to get up between 2 and 4 a.m. to let Kaiya out briefly before returning to bed. My husband tried to prepare us for the probability that this would be Kaiya’s last winter.
On a cold mid-January morning, I got up to let Kaiya out. With very cold, below zero temps Kaiya was slow to move to the top of the stairs before making her way down. After clearing the first step, she fell the rest of the way to the bottom – 7 steps. She lay at the bottom of the stairs for what seemed like forever, not moving. I laid down beside her, petting her, talking to her, keeping her calm. She licked my hand and slowly wagged her tail. She finally managed to get up. She dragged herself to the door and she did manage to go outside to do her business.
Kaiya navigated the front porch and made it back into the house without help, dragging her back right leg. Once back inside the house, she refused to lie down again. Seems like she was afraid that if she lay down she wouldn’t be able to get back up.
I woke my husband up to fill him in on Kaiya’s condition. We checked for broken bones (none) and tried to settle her down. We were finally able to get her comfortable, but neither of us got any sleep the rest of the night. In the morning Kaiya followed me everywhere, not letting me out of her sight, limping on her right rear leg, pleading for my attention. She was begging for my help. But nothing I did – meds, treats, petting, talking to her – seemed to give her any comfort.
My husband called the vet for me – I couldn’t face what I was sure the conversation would be. When he took Kaiya in to the vet’s office, I knew there was a 99.9% chance she wouldn’t be making the trip home. I said my good-bys. I told her everything would be alright. I told her how much I loved her. I told her she was my lifetime dog – no other dog could touch my spirit and soul the way she did. She smiled at me and licked the tears from my face. For the first time since she fell down the stairs, she seemed a little more at peace.
My husband came home from the vet’s office alone. We cried in each other’s arms. We cried with our daughter later that night when we told her. Belle paced through the house, looking for Kaiya for days. The silence was deafening.
They say a dog will let you know when it’s their time. Kaiya certainly did. We have and will have dogs in our family, but one dog doesn’t replace another in your heart.
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion – Unknown Author
http://www.artofracingintherain.com/
http://skiracin.wordpress.com/2008/06/04/the-art-of-racing-in-the-rain/
http://iminthemiddleofyourpicture.wordpress.com/2008/07/05/the-art-of-racing-in-the-rain/
http://murphydogs.wordpress.com/2008/05/25/the-art-of-racing-in-the-rain/
